Season Three Begins - Being Exposed & Vulnerable

Keith and Megan Peeler begin season three of their podcast with updated stories of prayer.

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome to season three of the Everfree podcast.

Yeah, this is Keith and Megan Peeler ready to share some thoughts, share some prayers and I don't know, let's see what happens.

Well, here we are.

We have just launched and finished a very short season, season two where we basically just kind of got everybody caught up.

We had an interesting season between moving from Montana back to Texas and now we are in Texas and we are starting a new life, rebooting the podcast.

And so we're going to just spend basically once a week get together and talk about what's going on in our family life, what's going on in our ministry life.

Because one of the things that strikes me as we've just come back, well, we just came back from a big conference in Mexico with our missions organization.

And one of the things that stood out to me, two different couples said to us, it's fun to see you guys in your element.

And it's been a few years since we've been fully present at a ministry conference, mostly just dealing with all the stuff that we talked about the last season of episode.

So what does it look like daily to be in the zone with prayer? 

How do you acknowledge that? 

And so basically we're going to spend this time in this podcast talking about what does it look like to do daily prayers, to do prayers of authority, prayers of supplication, prayers of just honest prayers about your day.

Right.

And so one of the things I know you mentioned, babe, as the conference was going on and some of the deeper, more difficult parts of your story in the last episodes about cancer surgeries and things you mentioned, me being emotional, having gotten emotional in that and how you weren't emotional and how that might be coming across.

And what are people going to see? 

What are they going to think? 

And one of the phrases you said was, I feel very exposed.

Yeah.

So I figured, well, let's just jump into that.

Why don't we? 

Hey, husbands out there don't recommend this, but if your wife is willing to do a podcast with you and she's willing to put it on the line, that's just kind of what we do.

Yeah, for sure.

So where did that come from? 

And we talked about it some, but just for the sake of processing and letting people into our story and our life, when you're feeling that, what's going on with that? 

Like, what were you thinking? 

What were you feeling? 

Why did you feel so exposed?

I think when we're giving a snapshot of our life and what we've experienced different days, different experiences, different triggers will affect the story differently depending on how you're feeling.

And when I was able to share in that moment, I wasn't as emotional, but you were.

And so I think there's just layers to our experience with the cancer journey that we've had to process together and separate.

And yeah, there was a recent death of a woman, Benny Johnson from Bethel in Reading, California.

And they have a huge ministry and she died of breast cancer and it just hit me hard.

But I always say, if I'm getting hit, it means there's probably some areas that probably need some attention and I need deeper levels of healing in that.

But going into the conference, I think I was feeling just raw and vulnerable because our story was out there.

A lot of our people, our missionaries are from California.

So they were impacted by Benny Johnson's death.

And us being there, I was talking about it a lot.

I was talking about the journey of all the surgeries and all the experiences a lot.

And so it was very fresh.

Yeah.

Even though this was, you know, 2020 when I was diagnosed, so it was hard to just keep reliving it.

Yeah.

Well, and you know, one of the things that we've talked about since the beginning of the podcast, even in 2019 is that you and I just feel comfortable is not the right word, but wired to share openly.

And so our journey is something that we have been willing to just kind of let be our journey and not pretend that we are something that we're not.

And you know, you've talked about the idea of being triggered or those things coming up.

And we've talked about that a couple different ways.

And sometimes it's truly a trigger that needs some healing, Holy Spirit, Jesus attention.

And sometimes it's just the process of grief, working itself out.

And so I think that's something worthy of exploration as we talk this morning is our bodies are incredible tools to remember things or to not remember things, to be triggered by things.

So we were, you know, we're praying with people and we're going through difficult woundings and we're dealing with, you know, places where the enemy is grabbing hold to an old wound and we're helping the person bring discernment and things like that to that.

We're talking about those, those are trigger points, but we're also talking about how the body is a red flag system.

And so when those triggers come up, it's not necessarily always a wound, but it's a, it's a warning system where your body's saying, Hey, this at least needs some attention.

Does that make sense? 

Yeah.

And you know, I like to clean the house when I'm feeling emotional.

And I remember right before we left for Mexico, I was cleaning the house and I was hearing lies and the lies felt extremely heavy.

When you say you were hearing lies, what does that mean? In my head, I was hearing a lot of criticism and harsh words against me that were feeling very negative.

And so I came down and I looked at you and I'm like, I'm hearing these really awful lies.

And, and they, they feel terrible.

And one is you got the good cancer.

Yeah.

You got the one that could be treated without chemo and radiation.

So you don't really have a story.

Yeah.

That was the first thing that I really realized was going to be difficult.

And our journey was a doctor said that to you and it was like, Oh, you're lucky.

Yes.

Right.

And, and it would, and while that might be true, and while some people may hear that one way, how we heard it was, let me minimize your story.

Let me minimize your cancer.

Oh, you, oh, you got the easy cancer.

I'm sorry.

What did you just say? 

Yeah.

There was nothing easy, but that was watching your mutilation of your body.

Right.

Like, are you kidding me? 

So if you're a medical health provider or if you're a caregiver of a person and, and they got like a lesser version of something difficult, please, please, please, please don't ever say, well, at least you got the good one.

Yeah.

Cause it required three very big surgeries.

There was nothing good about watching your body get mutilated by surgery.

Don't, nobody can call that good.

Right.

So forgive my soapbox, but I'm legit serious about that.

Yeah.

Cause it, it just, it wasn't helpful.

Right.

And the whole point is if we're going to deal with our real stuff, we have to be able to acknowledge the real stuff about it.

And, and that was part of that trick.

Well, and it's sneaky.

It's sneaky because I hadn't thought about that for a long time, that comment from my doctor and honestly, I didn't keep that doctor.

I got a different doctor, but I, I do feel like there was a push against me wanting to share my story.

And I think that's why I felt so, so exposed as our story was going out there.

Well, and I remember you saying I'm hearing lies and you're very emotional and we prayed it through pretty quick and it kind of re-centered you pretty quickly because the enemy's tricky like that, right? 

Like we, we hear things, we believe things.

And so there's always that part of us that needs to be, that's the being transformed by the renewing of the mind and holding scripture close and reading scripture to bring truth to what we know to be true about who we are and who he says we are in the Bible.

But, but then also those, those insecurity types, you know, the voices, those, they need discernment.

Like is this, is this the accuser trying to get me to think things that aren't of the Lord or is this me? 

Am I just feeling wounded and tired? 

Yeah.

And so it was interesting.

So tell me, tell me what, because I'm going back to the recognizing I had forgotten I'd gotten emotional and then I listened to it.

I got emotional listening to me being emotional, which is emotional.

Sorry, I'm being goofy, but what was it?

What do you think made you feel exposed or unsettled about the fact that I was emotional and that you weren't like, what was going on in your head with that? 

Like, why did that, why did that come up for you in that way? 

The you should statements were hitting me hard.

You got should on.

Oh yeah.

Should on.

Make sure you hear should.

You should be as emotional as your husband.

Like you should share.

Was it like you're faking it kind of thing? 

I don't know because I mean, I was sharing the story.

I may be detached.

I don't know.

But what I know is that the story was conveyed and I honestly think it gave you space as my husband to share your perspective and and to kind of be vulnerable with people.

So I, we're in a season where we're acknowledging the trauma of what we've been through, but we're also healing from the trauma that we've been through and it comes in levels and it comes in waves.

And so I think that's where it was.

And it was also confusing because I was feeling so deeply grieved by Benny Johnson dying and she died of cancer, breast cancer.

And so that, you know, the, the liar comes in and says, that could be you.

Yeah, your body knows how to make cancer.

So you better watch out.

It's going to come back and, you know, I have to go to my oncologist next week and that gives me another trigger.

Another reminder.

It's just another reminder that this is what I have to do, but I can't, I can't be paralyzed by that.

No.

So well, and so again, part of this podcast, the reason we're doing it is often when people come, so people find our ministry in a variety of ways.

Often people come when they're in a place of feeling stuck and they get recommended to us by a friend or they hear us on a podcast or they hear us somewhere and they want, they want us to pray with them, pray for them.

Sometimes, sometimes people have a misunderstanding that we have something to give to you.

We have experienced and we have, we can teach you some things for sure.

But really the whole process of prayer is about engaging intimacy with God.

But when people come, sometimes they want to figure out, well, how do I pray in order to do blank? 

Right? 

And so there's, it's almost like a hope for a formula.

A one and done kind of thing.

Why can't we just pray for this one time? 

That would be so nice.

Yeah, it's just, well, because it's not magic.

Right.

It's not a formula.

It's about intimacy with God.

And, and I think the why questions that we all struggle with and continue to struggle with are repetitive wise.

You know, why did this happen to me when I was little? 

Why did breast cancer happen? 

Why didn't God heal me? 

Why did God do this? 

Or why did God do that? 

And sometimes it's what we're seeing in the world that's just happening, a part of the fallen creation that we're observing that, that God is not neither manipulating nor protecting.

And those why questions are hard.

And so, so people sometimes want to know, okay, I have this issue in my life.

If I pray this way, can I get rid of it forever? 

Yeah.

And, and the answer is yes and no.

There are parts of how we pray with authority.

And when you, when you, you know, command evil to flee, it flees.

But when evil returns, it comes by some invitation or by some environment where, where that's the thing.

So the daily prayer of doing inner healing with each other, for each other, we don't even call it inner healing at home, right? 

Like we just say, hey, would you pray for me? 

This is just praying.

But it's important that we're framing this podcast around the inner healing and deliverance tools.

Right.

We've said it a number of times, I've said it on previous podcasts that I don't know how couples make it in marriage without having the intimacy of prayer.

That's another podcast.

Another day, we're going to talk about intimacy and couples and praying as a couple.

We've done some of that.

We're going to keep talking through that more.

This is more like, this has less to do with it being, I mean, we are a couple, but it's just like the daily practice of listening to God and declaring truths, asking for help, confessing sin, and then going, you know, what's really going on here.

And you say that like, it's so simple, but you know, I think we have so much practice at this.

And I also have trust and you, and I also know that we listen together because I know the number one concern that people have when they're trying to listen is I don't hear the voice of God or I don't trust that my spouse hears like I hear.

And so there's a disconnect and there's an insecurity.

So I think working through those takes practice and vulnerability.

Yeah.

Because that's, I mean, again, we started this podcast talking about vulnerability, just talking about, we use the word being exposed, but when you're exposed, it means you're vulnerable.

Right.

Those words are somewhat synonymous in that.

And so I know how as a man, I'm not prone to vulnerability by cultural standards.

I'm not prone to vulnerability.

I mean, I am Keith Peeler is prone to vulnerability because that's the way I am made.

I have found that I'm made differently than a lot of my male friends.

Not all of them, but some of them.

So I'm not going to broadly, you know, paint too much of a broad stroke of what men are and what women aren't.

But, but we are going to talk about the reality of how men and women communicate because it is different.

You have lots more words than I do on a daily basis.

So your needs are different, but we find ways to share that.

And I think the word that used is important where there's going to be vulnerability or exposure means there needs to be some kind of counterbalance of trust in that.

Yeah.

Right.

And so I think that's the question I want to give to our listeners is who do you trust? Yeah.

It may not be your spouse in that space.

We would encourage movement in that direction where possible that might need both marriage counseling, which we do not do.

We do pre-marriage counseling with a book, but we're not counselors.

But in that space of, you know, what we do in the midst of training and people in prayer is helping people do experiments of prayer to build those exercising muscles.

So when we first, so let's go back to, see if we can figure this out.

When we first started praying together, what were your hesitations, fears, or concerns about how to trust me? 

Was there anything in, cause even as brutally honest as we are with each other and cancer and all of the life's tragedies of the last couple of years have forced us into a deeper place that way.

We didn't start there.

We started with more simple trust.

And so what do you remember about that? 

I know that there, for me, when I step into these hard places, it requires me trusting you to have sensitivity to how you hear things and what you share with me.

So if you're getting stuff that feels too heavy or too loaded, or I'm just not ready to hear it, it can be very, um, I can feel like an attack and less helpful.

And so I think that's where you and I have worked really hard to have that sensitivity towards one another.

And I think we do that best by asking a question.

Instead of telling me what you're hearing or what you see or something, either asking a question or painting a picture, I'm getting a vision of a picture of this, or I'm hearing this song and worship, or I'm hearing a scripture, but it's less about telling me what, what you think I need to hear.

Yeah.

And I think, I think the way I would answer that or frame that in my words to add to that is it's about listening and not talking, right? 

So we talk about listening prayer with inner healing all the time and in other places.

How are we making space to listen? 

In fact, I had a phone call yesterday, um, with one of our dear friends and supporters and just felt led to call.

And she's like really interesting that you called today because I was thinking about you and Megan had this dream and the, and she had a very good question about some stuff that we're not, I won't go into the question here because that's another podcast, but, but the question I had a sense of the answer already, right? 

Just in listening to her, both in my experience, I'm listening with my head and my heart.

I'm listening to her.

Um, and then, um, in, in that she's like, I wonder what you're, you know, Keith, what are you hearing? 

What are you sensing? 

I said, well, you know, I do have some thoughts.

I said, but let's do this first.

Let's, let's pray and let's see what Jesus wants to say in the space.

And then it'll confirm if I'm on the right track or not.

Yeah.

And so again, we have exercised that so much.

That discipline is, is comfortable for me now because I've seen Jesus show up so much in prayer.

And I do have the expectation that people can't hear his voice.

People can get pictures or words and, and understandings of things in a new way because they, they sit and listen.

And we did.

And, and literally, all right, Jesus, what do you want to show Susie about what she just asked me? 

That must have been more of an impact and more powerful for her to experience what she was hearing and receive confirmation.

Then if you had just told her, you want to hear from Keith, you want to hear from Jesus, right?

I'm going to go with, well, I might go with Keith.

I'm just kidding.

I mean, every single time that's the point, right? 

That's the framework of the kind of prayers that we want to encourage people to pray is, uh, I mean, we go to the word, right? To get grounded.

Like that is, the truth comes from the word.

It gives me all of the framework of, of the nature of God and, and who Jesus is and what the spirit does, like all of that and, and the history of, of watching man, you know, Noah and Moses and David and Paul and, you know, Judas, you know, we, we see the nature of man and scripture to describe ourselves, you know, and we understand that.

But when Jesus reveals himself to us in the, in the intimacy of prayer, it, we go to the word to understand the truth.

And then we hear from him through the power of the spirit.

And so it's an activating response to God's presence.

That isn't just, I mean, there's great, I will go to biblical counselors to get biblical wisdom, right? 

I'll go to therapists to get knowledge and wisdom about how to think more in a more healthy way, but nothing transforms my mind or my presence, nothing more than the power of the Holy Spirit or the presence of Christ or the father revealing himself to me in some way.

And so, yes, well, and it's true that we can't have revelation from God without understanding of the word and the word without revelation from God is a little bit dry.

You can, you can learn about God all you want, but until you're engaging him in that relationship.

And so when you and I are talking about this vulnerability, that's what we're talking about is the exercise, the discipline of learning to pray differently with each other.

And that comes from listening.

Right.

And frankly, you and I are both big talkers.

So that's a discipline for us.

Because as soon as we start talking, you know, if I'm talking to you about something, you have opinions right off the bat.

If you're talking to me, I have opinions right off the bat.

And so teaching ourselves in marriage to not jump to conclusions and to just listen to hear between, right? 

Because there's stuff that I know you're saying that's coming from just you being you and vice versa.

There's stuff I'm saying, you're like, he's just on that kick again.

He'll be he'll get over it.

Yeah, he'll be fine.

Versus, no, I'm sensing, I'm sensing something and you're better at acknowledging and you and I'm better at acknowledging and me.

So so if there's a couple out there, and this is we're talking as a couple because we are a couple.

But if you're not married, please hear this.

This is the exact same process for you in a friend or in a pastor or in someone that you can trust in listening prayer.

And the only way that those relationships develop is when you pursue them, when you ask the Lord for them.

So Megan and I are talking about this from a relationship of a couple.

But translate this for yourself.

If you're single, if you're a student, if you're a teenager, the question becomes, who can you trust that's going to listen on your behalf with you? 

And that's an issue of like safety, vulnerability, all that kind of stuff.

Men, women, be careful.

Right.

Prayer is an intimate place.

I am not opposed.

We've we've had situations where Megan might need to pray for a man.

And it's public, but not, you know, I'm not with you.

And that's comfortable.

And vice versa.

But we've been very, very clear about the boundaries around entering into an intimate place of prayer without appropriate accountability.

And I don't mean the religious sense.

I just mean and like, just be smart.

Yeah.

Right.

Be careful with what you reveal to others.

So do not dangle your pearls before swine thing.

But as we have done that, so initially, you know, I had to learn how to hear from you.

I'm a direct talker.

You're an indirect talker.

You're more direct these days than ever.

And I've softened as well.

We've balanced each other in that.

But what was the next step then? 

Like once we once we first started to go, okay, we can do this together.

Well, I'm trying to remember back.

What would be another thing that we started working towards? 

Was it just practicing? 

I just know when I'm needing to sit with the Lord, I have a couple questions.

And if I can put those questions down, typically for me, it's on paper and just sit with those questions.

It's helpful to me to listen after I've written those questions down.

So sometimes I'll write a question down like, what, what am I fearful of today? 

Or what's affecting my thoughts right now? 

And then you and I can listen and get the answers for those questions.

And then I can say, Lord, is this, is this me? 

Is this Megan? 

Or is there a spiritual component to this? 

Is there, is there the enemy attacking my thoughts with negative thinking? 

So I think you and I throw questions out there and just wait with them and see what the answers are to those questions.

Yeah.

Well, and two, I think as we've learned that one of the things, one of the disciplines that I don't know where it came from.

I don't know if somebody gave it to us, we made it up, didn't make any difference, but I'm so creative and open-minded and, and I don't want to say ADD, but people know what that means.

So I'm just kind of out there with creativity.

So if I just leave things open-ended, my brain will go everywhere.

Right.

And so one of the disciplines I've had in my own prayer journey has been to, to ask the Lord for guidance and yes, no questions or a, b answer questions, giving myself two options.

Like, Lord, I'm, you know, I'm trying to sort this out, like, okay, Lord, you, you know, do you want me to pray about anger to anger, anger or frustration or both, you know, like, Oh Lord, what are we going to pray for first anger or, and then like, I feel like, Oh, I feel like the word anger came up first.

Yeah.

Okay.

Holy spirit.

Then help me see where is this anger coming from? 

And that gives it, it's more open-ended question, but I start with a little question because then, then I'm learning to exercise those listening muscles without feeling so scatterbrained, right? 

Keeping it simple.

Yeah.

Because, you know, there are sometimes I wake up and I'm just off, you know, yesterday I had a, I didn't sleep because the dogs were up and barking and I didn't, I didn't have a sense that I was being attacked by the enemy in any sense of just like, I just was, I just had a crappy day.

You know, I didn't need some warfare prayer.

I didn't need you to kind of come in with the anointing oil or anything else.

It was just like, I'm just having a hard day.

Yeah.

And so there's vulnerability of being able to say I'm having a hard day.

And, and then the vulnerability of receiving like, well, what if you have something to say about that to me? 

Because part of vulnerability is not just me exposing my stuff to you, but my vulnerability is also listening to what you might have to say about that.

Yeah.

Which is again built on trust.

Right.

And trust is something that builds over time.

And so the more intimate conversations we have about our personal lives and there's been plenty between the cancer journey and all the other things that we've been dealing with last couple of years, like you have to talk about some intimate things.

Yeah.

I had low testosterone, had to do testosterone for a little while.

Do I even want to do that anymore? 

You know, all the things that are related to, that's a vulnerable thing to have to talk about.

How do you relate to physical intimacy in your marriage or with others? 

How do you, how do you, who do you talk to you about that?

 How can you process that? 

And again, all of these are levels of vulnerability and exposure that have to have some good boundaries because you have to be able to trust people, but then also not so much that our walls are up and keeping us from sharing what's really on our hearts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I think that's really that kind of mostly what was on my heart today is I just wanted us to have a chance to talk about vulnerability again and marriage.

And so, so friends, as we're going to wrap up this episode, if there's stuff that comes up, don't, don't be afraid.

Shoot us an email, shoot us a text, whatever we are.

All of our stuff is on Everfree.us.

Email address is Keith at everfree.us or Megan M E G A N at Everfree.us.

What questions like thinking about intimacy, thinking about listening prayer, thinking about the vulnerability pieces that we've talked about today, what questions come to mind? 

And then I'd like to lead us in this, this little listening experiment while we close today.

So as you're listening, you might be driving, so don't close your eyes if you're driving.

But if you have the space to close your eyes or just to center your heart for a second, first, Lord, we just want to say thank you that you love us and that you're communicating to us all the time.

Your scripture says that even the rocks will cry out if no one is there to proclaim your goodness, to proclaim your name, Jesus.

And so if the rocks can cry out, then certainly we as your children can hear your voice.

And so Father, in Jesus name, we declare that we want our ears to be open.

In Jesus name, we declare that we want our eyes to be open, our hearts and our minds to be open to who you are and all that you have for us.

And so friends, as we declare that, that's true.

That's what the word says.

We want to declare truth.

I also want to say, Holy Spirit, would you bring someone to mind? 

Holy Spirit, what's one person that you want to bring to mind to our listeners right now? 

And as that person comes to mind, Lord, would you now nudge our friends' hearts? 

What do you want the listeners to do about that person? 

Is it a person to pray for? 

Is it a person to share their heart with? 

Is it someone that they just need to share who Jesus is? 

Thank you, Lord.

Even in just a few moments, we can pause and listen, that you can draw people to our mind.

And friends, as you prayed, as you listened with that, I just want to encourage you.

Some of you may be going, I don't know if that was God, I don't know if that was God, I don't know what if that was me.

I just want to encourage you, whatever it was, just trust that the Lord led you to that person, bring it before the Lord, and then whatever he asks you to do, just be obedient.

Just be obedient.

I think these are the kind of things that we practice together on a daily basis of how to listen.

Lord, what do you want to do right now? 

And one of the things that I realize is that sometimes people think that they've got to call us and schedule a two-hour prayer appointment.

And we're like, no, this is a thing we always just do.

So as we're wrapping up, babe, what do you know, as far as intimacy or just listening or even just that brief little experiment that we just did with our friends, what's a closing thought that you might have to bless our friends as we say goodbye? 

I bless you not to be discouraged if nothing comes to mind and to really focus in on that person for the day.

Give yourself some space and time to listen, but if nothing comes to mind, don't get discouraged by that.

So sometimes it just takes practice or maybe even calling that friend that's on your mind to just reach out and say, you came to mind, I don't know what's going on with your life, but I love you and I'm praying for you.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do.

So here's what I love about that.

It takes the pressure off of, I heard God say, exactly.

Because one of the things that we've seen over and over again in people that are hesitant about hearing from God or hesitant about prophetic ministry, frankly, is people have abused it and they've come off too strong.

Like I was praying for you and the Lord told me.

While that might be true, it may not be the best way to share it.

So taking the pressure off of feeling like this is, I have a word from the Lord.

Yeah, but saying you came to mind and I thought about you and I'm praying for you.

And if you want to share, that's fine.

If you don't, that's okay too.

Well, the beauty of it is it just makes it normal to talk to God.

It makes it normal to hear from God.

And I think more than anything in our friendship and relationship that we've grown in, it's as the Lord has drawn us unto another, it's because He's drawn us to Him.

And all of that works together and just makes the natural, supernatural and the supernatural exactly.

All right.

Well friends, thanks for listening to this fun little episode, season three.

We're just going to be sharing our stories.

So God bless you and we'll see you next time on the Everfree podcast.

Bye-bye.

Thanks for listening to the podcast today.

You can find us at www.everfree.us.

If you want to support this ministry, click that donate button.

But more than anything, we just want to hear from you about your prayers and your presence and what you're learning.

So bless you and Jesus.